The Day Our Lives Changed Forever

“I’ve been waiting for you all day!” She said.

As I looked into those big brown eyes in the clinic of the orphanage on the day we brought her home, I felt immediately that she was forever mine. This little girl that has gone through so much, that has longed for a Mama and a Papa to hold her when she cries, to play with her, and to provide for her - this is my little girl.

I have wanted to be a mother my whole life. As a daughter with four sisters, being right in the middle (#3 out of 5), I have grown up in the role of both caring and being cared for. I attribute my desire for motherhood to my own mother who taught me what it means to love and be loved.

The day I got married to the man of my dreams, I thought that we would start a family and live my happily ever after. When I received my diagnosis, however, of infertility, all of my dreams came crashing to the ground. How could it be that I will never mother a child? How could my body be so broken? Never in a million years would I have guessed how it would feel to be told those words. Never in a million years could I have comprehended the utter emptiness and hopelessness that a perspective future without kin of my own would bring.

I was devastated.

My husband, Steven, and I lived with this reality for 5 years (and while I know that does not seem long to a lot of you, I am probably less patient and it felt like an eternity!) and we are still living with that reality. But something major changed on September 20, 2019. We brought our little girl home. Our daughter. While legally, we are not finished yet and the adoption is yet to be complete, she is completely our daughter in our hearts.

It has been 6 full days with this girl and I am so ridiculously in love. She is a joy to be around! I live for her belly laughs, her unending games of tag, her begging for more time to stay awake and play, and her delicious play-doh concoctions that I get to “taste”. I would not trade this role for the world.

Before she came home, Steven and I wondered how she would adjust. What would she call us? How would she behave? Would she feel safe and comfortable? Will we be good parents? What if she doesn’t like us?

The questions bombarded our thoughts as we moved step by step forward in the process of paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork.

But then we heard it.

“Mama” “Papa”.

Those words out of this sweet little mouth. They answered our questions. They stilled our hearts.

I have longed for the day when I would be called “Mama”. And that day is here!

Let me be the first to tell you that this has not been easy. While the fairy tale has come true, it is not without it’s challenges.

You see, our little one comes with a history. A history of pain and hurt, of mistrust and fear. She comes with a history of sickness. This road has not been easy and will continue to be hard as we navigate trust and attachment, adjust and manage medicine and hospital stays, and spend endless energy ensure that she feels safe and loved.

But then we remember, “Mama” "Papa”.

And it’s all worth it.